By now, if you haven’t seen I Love You, Man, you probably aren’t going to. Suffice to say, it’s quite funny—better, in my opinion, than Superbad, and exactly like Superbad in that it ends with two totally hetero dudes, Peter (Paul Rudd) and Sidney (Jason Segal) telling each other, well, “I love you, man.” Once again we’re in Hollywood’s La-La La-La land, where it’s perfectly all right for guys to love each other as long as they’re not gay. And also (of course) it’s perfectly all right to be gay, because Peter’s brother Robbie (Andy Stamberg) is gay and apparently so irresistible that he only sleeps with straight men.
It’s probably a bit churlish to point out that Robbie does not act gay at all, or to note that we never actually see him touching another man, or to note that only character in the film who does act gay is, of course, a figure of fun. But I will point out that the only black person in the film is the minister presiding over the wedding, appearing for about 45 seconds of screen time, and who appears to be about twenty shades lighter than our President. But the kicker came after the flick let out: as a 97 percent white crowd streamed out of I Love You, Man, a 99.9 percent black crowd streamed into Obsessed, hot to see Beyoncé slap the shit out a white girl. Women’s lib? Not a problem. Gay lib? No sweat. Racial integration? We’ll get back to you.
Afterwords
I Love You, Man takes R-rated comedies to a new level of chasteness. There’s plenty of projectile vomiting, but absolutely no sex at all. I kept waiting for someone to rip sexy Denise’s clothes off (surely the film wanted me to) but that never happens. Also, a perfectly good plot point—Peter’s fiancé, Zooey (Rashida Jones) won’t give him head—was wasted. The film could have ended with a close-up of a smiling Pete, followed by a close-up of an equally smiling but obviously full-mouthed Zooey, followed by the topper when Zooey swallows. But would anyone listen to me? Does anyone ever listen to me?
Monday, April 27, 2009
Another Brick in the Bro-hood
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9 comments:
oh Alan, do you have to "go there" again? here you write a perfectly fine post, full of insight, then have to end on such a vile off note.
But he's right though, R rated movies have gotten weirdly chaste; up until the tide of this recent spate of Saw induced horror films they had also gotten rather less violent as well; and critics are really exagerating the amount of gore in tiresome movies like The Hills Have Eyes remakes, or the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Frankly, though, Vanneman can have his swallow as long as I can please see a chainsaw going through the pretty faces of those annoying assed "teens" that populate this latest wave of slick horror flicks. And I remember thinking, just as Vanneman said in a blog somehwere else, where have all the tits gone to? Not that I frankly give a damn about that sort of thing, but in olden days movies used be almost literally strewn with superflously exposed boobs. I hear the remakes of My Bloody Valentine and Friday The Thirteenth, reinstated the high breast quotient however. My point? It's just weird that nude girls would seem a sort of quaint period detail at this point. People always say movies have gotten worse, but these days even the most wretched vile stuff is suffused with a political correctness.
I think Superbad was overrated, but I've heard I Love You Man is a lot better than the trailer makes it out to be. It'll probably end up on the bottom of my NetFlix queue or I'll catch it on cable sometime.
I'm not surprised by the sucess of "Obsessed." Black people will support black movies with star power that get distribution. This black person will not be one of them, though, because from what I can see on the review sites it's a crappy movie.
Sorry, Erich, but the "swallow" gag is FUN-KNEE! I may not know how to heal the nation's racial divide, but I can make 13-year-olds laugh.
I'm willing to bet that the "swallow" gag was in the original script. Why not? In "Superbad" one of the lead characters gets menstrual blood on his leg. And how about the "dick in the zipper" and "semen hair gel" gags in "Something About Mary"?)
Interesting, although I'll point out that both my mom and my wife -- neither of them particularly raunchy, far as I know -- recently saw this by choice, based presumably on the "chaste humor" of the trailer (as well as Paul Rudd's continuing appeal, no doubt). I still haven't seen the film, although it was pointed out to me later that apparently I am in need of a "bro-mance"...
Point being, I think Hollywood is attempting to approach non-13-year-old markets with this "sexless sex comedy" thing -- I can't see a film that ends with the epilogue Alan describes being the sort of flick anyone (much less my mother) would take their daughter-in-law to see. Regardless of whether or not it's funny, which is a separate issue.
I went to high school w/ Rashida Jones @ The Buckley School in Sherman Oaks, California and I can confirm that she does indeed swallow. Hard. Every single time. Whether you ask her to or not. And she is very polite and always does the finishing off. With short, quick strokes. Very nice.
You guys dissapoint me. Here I am, just starting to follow you for a month now, enjoying the high level of film discourse, and you reduce the conversation to who swallows or not in R-rated movies nowadays.
Don't get me wrong. I enjoy watching porn as much as the next guy, but I keep my Chloes and Nina Hartleys out of film criticism, unless I'm talking about Boogie Nights or The Girlfriend Experience.
And Vanneman, your ignorance is pretty evident when you start making such uninformed statements as "...Robbie does not act gay at all..." Ever been friends with a gay man? Or even had a homosexual acquaintance? Not all of them are effeminate.
Tony, if your only frame of reference when it comes to porn is Nina Hartley, then I would say that you don't watch any porn at all, or you haven't in about fifteen years, so don't try and act as if you know what's what when it comes to the "erotic arts." You are clearly out of touch.
And I think Alan Vanneman, over the years, has written enough great work on films that he is allowed to let his balls hang out for a couple of minutes without everyone castigating him. Bright Lights is one of truly singular voices in film writing. Give him a fucking break.
And I hate to break it to you gay guys who think you come across as butch as the straight guys - you don't.
Anonymous,
I didn't know we were going to measure our manhood by how recent my porn star crush is. I have a predilection for MILFs is all. But if switching my examples to Tory Lane or Teagan Presley helps, go ahead.
And maybe I should give Vanneman a break... You're right, everyone has the right to let their balls hang out once in a while.
The inherent ignorance in the post just rubbed me the wrong way. As a minority (Hispanic), living in Atlanta, who has gay male friends, that statement about Andy Samberg's character, and the one about "...99.9 percent black crowd streamed into Obsessed..." taken together made for a little too much "Ugly American" in one sitting.
I'll give Vanneman the benefit of the doubt.
Oh, and next time you get righteous, don't hide behind the Anonymous moniker. It undercuts your fearlessness.
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