Happy Belated Birthday, Jessica Biel!

It was yesterday and I completely forgot! I know it's coming every year, since it's the day after mine, or one day and a decade or so. She was born March 3, 1982.

Why do I love Jessica Biel? Because she's a hot chameleon, able to assume a wide range of babe disguises. I almost said "little" in there, hot little chameleon, but that would be wrong, she's not little, and that's part of what makes her so hot, she's large! Not phat, but biggish, and that's and a rarity in the starlit menagerie of Hollywood. She's tall, she's curvy, she's not thin. At times she's almost zaftig, other times statuesque, she changes scene to scene, moment to moment, but is always present, accounted for, and--in one way or another--ravishing. Dressed in combat fatigues and a girl-next door 'do, she looks like she could believably kick some ass, then throw her into some makeup and a form-fitting gown and she'll floor you with supermodel stun power.

And if you doubt her acting skills, just compare her to Raquel Welch, Scarlett Johansson, or the other Jessica, Alba--whom I've got nothing against and who is a decent actress as far as her stunted roles go-- they all have the curves but they all lack Biel's pelvic gravitas. Biel walks and moves from the hips; when she walks she knocks over buildings with her sashay. She's centered in the diaphragm, not the head like the coltish starlets in her ranking. She moves like a prize fighter. She's not just "pretending" the way some women pretend to be sexy, Biel is woman; she doesn't even have to roar.

She holds her own in a wide range of genres: horror, action, drama; she even sports a good British accent in L'ILLUSIONISTE! It's true. So don't be a hater, please, and join me in wishing my fellow Piscean a happy birthday and continued success in the land of overpriced tinsel and inevitably broken dreams!

Read my piece in BL #50 on her performance as "American Kali" in the TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE remake.