Troy does Tina—NOT!

If you’re Troy Patterson of Slate magazine, well, you have it rough. It’s your job to uphold the banner of civilization amidst the vast effluvium of bad taste that is popular culture in America today. As an example, just last night Troy was forced to watch, and critique, A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila.

Well, a critic’s gotta do what a critic’s gotta do. Continuing in the grand tradition of Charles-Augustin Sainte-Beuve, Troy watches the show and then lowers the boom. “While Miss Tequila pursues numerous avenues of artistic expression—wearing bikinis while down on all fours, for example, and singing thuggishly aggressive come-ons in a twig-thin voice—her only demonstrable talent is for raw self-promotion.”

Um, whom’s he kidding? Nothing says “down on all fours in Malibu” like the name “Troy.” Every “Troy” is born with the words “Pool Boy” stamped on his forehead. If you want tacky, try “The Troy n’ Tila Show.” That’s tacky.

Afterwords
Tila, in case you’re the type who gets his kicks showing his self-winding watch to his grandchildren, is just the coolest MySpace Bisexual ever!* For more Tila (PG-rated), go here.

*Don’t know what a MySpace Bisexual is? Troy helps out with a def from the way def UrbanDictionary: “A girl who makes out with other slutty chicks at parties and then claims to be bisexual because it's trendy to say so and gets people’s attention on myspace.”